The title of the Beatles song, The Long and Winding Road, speaks to most of us who have paused to think of the paths, roads, highways–and even alleys–of life, which have brought us to where we are right at this moment.
How might life have been different had we taken different paths on hundreds of different occasions–perhaps just a slightly different decision or different timing? The movie Sliding Doors played to that concept in an entertaining and thought provoking way.
Draw a Life Graph: Consider drawing a simple or complex visual portrayal of your life and the people and events that have brought you to where you are now. I notice that Oprah’s site talks about Life Mapping from the perspective of using magazine photos and illustrations to present our past and present as well as our desired future. You can check out that concept here.
That might be fun to do! However, that is not the concept I use in a few classes in which we discuss personal and professional development. (Time and materials are factors, as are the personalities and styles of the participants.)
I prefer the easier method of simply drawing a line–either free-flowing or using short lines connected with dots or symbols–that represent a route through life. If you have never drawn a Life Graph or Life Map, try it sometime. If you have done it before, try it again–perhaps with a few new options, suggested below, for how you want to picture your life and the choices you have made. Let me also say here that there is no required method for doing this–no “right way.” You may want to practice a bit and re-do it until you think it reflects your life most accurately. It is just an self-reflecting activity, not a grim assignment!
The most basic Life Graph: On long side of a piece of paper put a starting year of your choice–birth, graduation, this job, marriage, out on your own, or any other beginning point–even retirement can be a beginning point for such a graph. Very faintly draw a straight line–a baseline–between then and now. That will represent your life if you lived it in a coma! It would be life without people, places, events and situations, that have made your life what it has been.
Some people use the baseline as an indicator of times when things were stable or uneventful. You may want to mark the baseline in increments of one, five or ten years, to make it easier to read your graph.
Moving your life from Point A to Point B:
- Some people like to draw a continuous line that curves, arches, twists, or goes straight, as it moves through the graphic depiction of their lives–like one long and winding road. If you do that, you can put dates, words or symbols near your line to indicate significant events.
- Others prefer to draw short straight lines from significant point to significant point–much like connecting the dots, or a traditional graph look. If you do that your line may zig-zag above the baseline, then dip below it, according to your emotions about a situation. Your line may go off on a tangent, never to return exactly to it’s former level, or it may level off now and then, running parallel to the baseline.
Marking the line with the significant people and events of your life: Since you will be the only one to see it, you can write any descriptors you want, from an abbreviation to a word or sentence, or using symbols to indicate key points, events or people.
Getting to now: Eventually, the line will bring you to today’s date. You know your graph or map is done when you can look at it and feel that it fairly accurately reflects the paths of your life. (I once saw a Life Graph template that unfolded to nine feet and was meant to be kept on a wall permanently!)
You may want to consider making your Life Graph from more than one perspective–because your life has more than aspect to it. For these it might work best to use the dot to dot method, with the line going above and below baseline to indicate positive or negative–but again, it is your life and you can draw it as you wish!
- Indicate career changes–Only career events, changes, advancements, crises or satisfaction.
- Indicate personal relationships–Only relationships and their impact on you at the time.
- Indicate health and fitness–Only your weight, fitness level, commitment to your exercise program and other activities that relate to fitness.
- Indicate financial stability–Only a graphic indicator of the ups and downs and stable phases of your financial life.
- A combination of issues. Both your health and fitness and your career, for example.
Compare those diverse perspectives to see if there are correlations or not. Use them as tools to determine when an aspect of the area being graphed became better or worse. Look for patterns. See where you are now and where the momentum is taking you.
Another way to use your Life Map: Your Life Map or Life Graph is a graphic portrayal of time. But at some point, somewhere in the future, it will be, quite literally, the end of the line. I do not want you to estimate that date! Instead, at the far right-hand side of the paper, put a star to indicate, “Still living!”
All of us want to be in the middle of living when we stop. You do not know how many days or years you have between now and that point, but you can be absolutely certain of this: You will be moving forward on the path of your life from now until then, just as you were moving forward from the beginning until now.
How do you want the path to look, if you were to draw your Life Map again in five years? Ten years? Twenty or more years? Today is the day to start it in the direction of your dreams, wishes, aspirations and goals!
July 3rd, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
2. Life and Work, 3. Personal and Professional Development |
2 comments
Some questions about prickly people at work: Do you supervise someone you tip-toe around to avoid setting them off in some way?
Do you sometimes feel that you and the rest of your workplace are held hostage by one person who is incredibly difficult for others to work with?
Does it sometimes unnerve you? Aren’t you tired of it?
The employee who must be treated like a time bomb: I’ve written before about discourtesy in the workplace. In fact, that is a recurring theme of mine, since I hear so many complaints about it. However, this article is focused on the person who is challenging because he or she is hyper-sensitive to critique or suggestion–let alone criticism. Perhaps the employee cries or sulks or becomes angry and withdrawn.
The result is that coworkers and supervisors avoid the slightest hint of suggestion that something that person did or said should be done differently next time or could be improved. The difficult person becomes the only one who never hears a complaint or suggestion. No wonder he thinks he’s perfect! No wonder she is shocked at the slightest criticism! And, what often happens is that when a supervisor finally decides to say something he unloads on the employee in a way that makes things worse.
The difference between sensitive and punitive. I chose the photo for this article for a reason: The prickly tree does not need to be treated gently because it is delicate. It must be treated gently because it will punish you otherwise! That is also why we need to have heightened awareness of employees who seem to be over-the-top about their emotions, irritations and reactions.
You are not psychologist or psychiatrist, so you do not know whether the behavior is much more severe than it seems–not that psychologists or psychiatrists always know either! However, you are responsible for the safety and security of others, including the employee who seems to have trouble handling any critique. You are also responsible for enforcing rules and policies, and there are nearly always rules and policies about courtesy, respect and appropriate behavior.
There are reasons to be concerned. Last week in Kentucky, an employee who had been chided about his repeated cell phone use and for repeatedly not wearing safety goggles, returned to the workplace and shot and killed five people, including the supervisor, before committing suicide. Many similar events have occurred in businesses, industry and government offices around the country. Supervisors and managers are justified in being concerned about prickly people!
You probably will not have such a dire situation with your challenging employee, but I doubt that supervisor thought so either. You may think you know your challenging employee very well–you may even be friends. But, emotions and mental upset can result in actions you never expected. You certainly might have to deal with a lot of anger and bitterness.
Do your job and handle the situation. Do not let yourself get into the habit of allowing poor work or ineffective behavior because you want to avoid the upset that will result if you say something. Do not require other employees to tolerate bad behavior from a coworker because you do not want to deal with it.
Talk to HR, your psychological resources if available, and your managers, to let them know what you have planned. Follow organizational guidelines. For example, you may not be able to tell an employee it is his last warning if there was no first warning. You also need to find out what you can do if the employee reacts in a way that is a rules violation or becomes out of control. Can you place a formal disciplinary action about it? Can you require him to go to psychologist? Can you call security? Can you make him go home? Can you keep him out if he tries to return? Know in advance, even if you do not expect any strong reaction.
When you talk to the employee, do your best to make it a comfortable conversation. That might sound impossible, but make the effort. Do not put desk space between you. Sit at a table or in a conversational arrangement.
*Start by saying what you have observed, why it is a problem and what the employee must do differently in the future. Stick to observable behaviors, not what you think the employee thinks or feels.
*Remind the employee of rules or policies and say they will be enforced in the future.
*Keep it brief and do not preach or do excessive counseling, simply state the behavior that must stop.
*Consider following that with the approach of reinforcing what you want to see stay the same, then getting the employee to say back what he or she will do differently in the future about a sample situation.
*If you have organizational resources to recommend, provide those in a supportive way. Just do not let his problems become yours to solve.
There are many resources that can provide more lengthy information about handling difficult corrective interviews than I have space for in this article. However, you will do just fine if you stick with that formula of stating the behavior that is a problem, giving an example, and getting feedback about how it will be handled differently in the future. I’m not saying the employee will like it or thank you. But, at least you can get through it.
Get back to work. After the interview, quickly, quickly, quickly reestablish normal conversations and relationships. Assign work, thank him for a good job, be low-key but appropriate. Give him a chance to save face and move forward.
I have experienced several supervisory situations in my career where I halfway expected a very angry outburst or a sulky temper tantrum. I was correct in three cases. VERY correct in one case! In another case, the employee looked at me for a moment and said, “OK.” He never acted the same tyrannical, angry way again! If I had known it was going to be that easy, I would have talked to him much sooner!
Your situation will be unique and you must decide how it should be handled. However, do not feel foolish for thinking you have reasons to be concerned about someones hyper-reactions to criticism. There is ample evidence than such reactions can lead to more serious problems if they are allowed to continue.
June 30th, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
1. Supervision and Management, 4. Safety and Security Planning |
5 comments
Most of us value those who have the mental and emotional strength to take responsibility and to be held accountable. We become frustrated and angry when there is a lack of accountability at the higher levels of our organization, or when those at lower levels seem to refuse to take responsibility.
Since those two issues are important for respect and confidence, let’s look at their definitions to get some clarity:
Responsible: Able to be trusted or depended upon; reliable. Liable to be required to give account, as of one’s actions or of the discharge of a duty or trust. Involving personal accountability or the ability to act without guidance or superior authority.
Accountable: Liable to being called to account; answerable, responsible for actions and results.
Hmmmm. It appears that responsibility and accountability are just about the same! If we are responsible, we can be held accountable. If we are held accountable, we were responsible.
There are two things to note about responsibility and accountability:
- Have you noticed that we tend to think of responsibility as a good thing, but being held accountable as punitive?
- It is nearly always easier to apply those concepts to the other guy than to ourselves.
We often brag (sometimes by pretending to complain) about all of our responsibilities and how the weight of everything is on us. But, if it looks like there will be negative comments, we are suddenly more than willing to share the responsibility: “Someone else was in charge! I barely was involved at all.”
We say we want our supervisors and managers to be held accountable. (”They never get in trouble but we always do!”) But, we condemn them for micromanaging or not trusting us, if they try to make sure nothing goes wrong. Think of that logic: “I want them to get out of the way and let me do my work. Then, I want them to be held accountable if there is a problem with the way I do my work.”
Communicating about responsiblity and accountability: As with most workplace issues, we would all benefit by more open communications about responsiblity and accountability. One way to do it is to use the words:
- “I want you to be responsible.”
- Make me responsible for it.”
- “I’m giving you the responsibility for this.”
- “You lived up to your responsibilities. Great job!”
- “This has to be done correctly because you and I will be held accountable for it.”
- “All of us will be held accountable for this, so I will be checking with you to make sure we are on schedule and that it’s going well.”
Notice how uncomfortable you feel even thinking about telling an employee he or she will be held accountable? No wonder many employees are shocked at the idea!
Noble weights: Responsibility and accountability can be burdens, no doubt about it, but they are noble burdens. (Noble: That’s a word we don’t use much anymore!)
We develop personally and professionally when we look for ways to be held responsible and when we are willing to be held accountable. That might require us to carry a heavier mental and emotional load than someone who has no sense of responsibility, or who avoids accounting for his or her actions. However, the weight of it will not drag you down. Ultimately it is the very thing that will help you stand tall in your work. You will gain strength, and that strength will show in your confidence and in the respect others have for you.
Maybe that is why those who shirk responsibility or who prefer to put it all on others, seem so small and puny!
June 26th, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
1. Supervision and Management, 3. Personal and Professional Development |
4 comments
Jack Handey is the author of many Deep Thoughts that were popular on Saturday Night Live and in his books. They are absurd, introspective sounding statements that I find hilarious. One, from the book Deeper Thoughts, by Jack Handey: All New, All Crispy, (Hyperion, NYC, 1993) struck me as being apt for training situations I have encountered recently:
Instead of raising your hand to ask a question in class, how about individual push buttons on each desk? That way, when you want to ask a question, you just push the button and it lights up a corresponding number on a tote board at the front of the class. Then, all the professor has to do is check the lighted number against a master sheet of names and numbers to see who is asking the question.
Think about it a moment.
The desire to look innovative: I have noticed in the last decade or so, that training is often made more complicated than it needs to be, for the sake of appearing innovative.
- Good technology is overdone or not done effectively.
- Tables and chairs are dragged all over, even if participants cannot see or hear well, to make the set-up look less like a lecture room.
- Masking tape and flip chart pages are used for lists that mean little,
- Discussions between the students (or student presentations) fill more time that they are worth.
Both the learner and the trainer are distracted because of the efforts. On the other hand, I am also aware that some people who conduct training only know one style: Lecture all day without anything to aid learning, and that is not effective either.
A trainer’s workshop: I attended a workshop for trainers not long ago, in which the participants were straining to find interesting training methods and classroom technology. Most admitted they spent a lot of their own money to enliven their training programs. Many said they often relied on video clips to keep participants interested, and were seeking lists of good videos to use–often without concern for the topic, except in a general sense. The ideas for games, activities, visuals, seating arrangements, tricks and tips that were produced seemed endless!
I was reminded of the training I attended a few years ago where participants were told to write their questions on potatoes and leave them at the front of the room during break. Then, the instructor would toss the potatoes to other students for them to answer.
Yes, that really happened. Since it was a class of raucous people, you can imagine the results! No one wrote serious questions, and, shall we say, the potatoes were not always used appropriately.
Back to the workshop…The trainers said that in spite of the many creative methods they used, it was almost impossible to get and keep the attention of the participants for a half day or full day class. One trainer said, “They’re fine as long as we’re doing something fun or if they are moving around, talking and working on something at the same time. But, the minute I go back to explaining a vital process, I can tell they are restless and don’t want to sit still. Some of them spend most of their time text messaging while I’m teaching. ” (And these are adult learners who are being paid, I should note.)
Put the focus on learning: Many of my classes are multiple days or a full week, so I can certainly understand the challenges. However, I am convinced that trainers and training coordinators need to focus on learning, not solely on unique classroom experiences–unless those experiences absolutely increase learning. At the same time, managers and supervisors who arrange for training have to also focus on learning, rather than being overly impressed with the bells and whistles of a trainer who leaves many participants smiling, but without any new skills or knowledge or at least new thoughts.
Coming soon: In an upcoming article I am going to discuss some methods trainers (full-time, part-time and now and then) use to keep things moving along and keep students interested–and that genuinely aid learning. Look for that in the next couple of weeks. If you have ideas or tips, please let me know about them. You know how to contact me!
What must the learners do or be? In the meantime, if you are setting up training or going to conduct training yourself, focus on what the participants in your classes absolutely must leave the classroom prepared to do or be. That is the value of those pesky learning objectives you have heard about. Make those your priority. Training participants may prefer to be entertained or kept busy, rather than thinking or applying learning. However, they are usually there to learn something that is needed for effectiveness at work. Trainers should stop apologizing for training!
If your classroom seating arrangement, PowerPoint, overhead transparency, flip chart, video, visual aid, activity, game or discussion is only designed to make you look like a new-age trainer, but does not better prepare the learner to achieve the objectives, think twice about using them. You will save yourself a lot of preparation time and force yourself to consider your balance between the essentials and the extraneous.
June 24th, 2008
Posted by
TLR |
3. Personal and Professional Development, 6. Technology, Blogs, A/V etc. |
one comment
